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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

04.21.10

She is growing and changing, and it is really hard. But I do thank God every single day that I get to be a part of it.
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First, you guys are amazing. Wow. I don't even know what to say. But thank you for your love and support. You all made my last few days wonderful. Seriously, thank you so much for all of the loving comments.

Today was a big deal. First the first time in a long time Lucy did not have a single meltdown. I cannot even begin to tell you all how huge this is. A few weeks ago, I would have told you that she almost never has a meltdown. But something is brewing in that little body of hers and tantrums have become the norm around here. They are not really tantrums. They have been full blown enormous emotional breakdowns. Over anything and everything that you can think of.

It all kind of came to a head the other night. It was Monday and she completely lost it at bed time. Lost it in a way I have never seen before. She was raging. She is not a raging kind of child. Her body was flailing and she really did not have control of herself. I had to step out of her room for a moment and gather myself. I stood there and begged God for guidance because I was at a complete loss of how to handle her.

I went back in, scooped her up off the floor, and held her as tight to my body as I could while rocking her. We did a "time in" where I forced her to be close to my body. Her little tiny body fought me for 25 minutes as hard as she possibly could. I am not kidding, my arms, back and shoulders hurt. I can only imagine what her body felt like. Once she stopped fighting me, she sobbed for 45 minutes before finally falling asleep.

It was an overwhelming experience for both of us. I have never had to do anything like this with her before. She has never needed it. But she is going through some security issues I think. And it was time that I made her realize that I am not going anywhere, no matter how she acts.

Since then, I have seen improvements. Yesterday was better and then today was a million times better. I think we are moving in the right direction. I pray we are moving in the right direction.

These pictures are from tonight and they are minimally edited in Lightroom. Beautiful evening light. We go outside most nights after dinner now and I stand there in awe of the beauty of the light every night. Love it.

We have had this sidewalk chalk for a long time and this was our first time to use it. It was so much fun!
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Guess who thought it was hilarious to splatter paint with it? Both herself and the sidewalk.....
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See? Could she possibly be a cuter mess?
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She just figured out how to actually get off the ground.
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Justin and I call her Chucky when she is smiling like this. There is an evil little giggle that comes along with this look.
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27 comments:

Mom said...

Do I get to be first??????? Lee

Emily said...

I LOVE your "time-in"...Love it! You are such a good mommy and your sweet little girls are so lucky to have you as their mommy!

Mom said...

OK--hooray for a much improved attitude day!! Yea for all of you! The pics are darling and it looks like your weather was perfect! Please do NOT call our baby girl Chucky. You guys are crazy!

How was the paper store? Wish I had been there. Love that place. Hope you found some good ribbon.
The house is clean, and PaPa helped me plant a jasmine at the mailbox, and a hydrangea on the side of the house. Now to get the sprinklers fixed. They keep saying possible rain, but none so far.

All well here. No big news. Sure do love and miss all of you! LeeLee

Tara said...

So glad for the improvement! I love your idea of a time in. I might have to try it with my daughter. Hope things continue to go well!

ccorley said...

how sweet are they!! That Chucky comment made me laugh. Thanks I neeeded that. I miss you guys. Love you

melissa said...

i am just catching up and read your last post. so sorry you had to deal with nasty comments. hopefully they have gone away until they can play nice. i love your blog and that you do keep it real! THANKS for sharing it with all of us in blog land!

jacqueline said...

i tried something similar to your "time-in" with one of my twins. being a four year old is hard work. love the pics.

503 Photography said...

I love the visual of you just holding her little, fiery body. I love that she has such a passionate & committed mom. It's really beautiful.

One time I heard that kid's whose parents work a lot and/or are stressed will act crazy-emotional b/c they don't know how to interpret the tense "energy" (if you will) in the family.
So, maybe you should stop doing 73 shoots a week. Ok, kinda kidding, kinda not. Just a thought from a licensed therapist (practically).

KrisJ said...

So so happy that you had a good day!! WOOHOO!! It can be exausting when we are tested as parents.. we do have the hardest job in the whole world and I think you are amazing!
Love the lighting you get at evening.. I think Ive said before how jealous I am of it!
Hope tomorrow is amazing for you and the girls!

Cecily said...

Kelly, I don't know you, but I've commented once on your blog before about your lighting or something.
I just wanted to tell you that I have gone through some really hard times with my boy, where he has exactly like you said, "raged". And, there is something about kids like that, they can push you to your highest highs and equally drag you down to your lowest lows. Boy, do I know it.
What I did find out at the age of 4 was that he suffers from reflux. I had NO clue. And, often the only signs that he isn't feeling good is that his behaviour is awful and he does indeed go into rages. And, even though we have a name for his sickness, and surely he feels something physical he NEVER vocalises anything. I spoke to a nurse at Children's and she confirmed that even when they CAN talk, they don't. They show you with their behaviour. Even four and five year olds who could talk, don't.
So, not to suggest she has a physical sickness as yet undiagnosed, but just to kind of confirm to you that you are RIGHT. Her behaviour is showing you that she is going through SOMETHING, she just can't vocalise what. And we as moms need to just try and weather it with them, try not to let them get the best of us (and believe me, I have been there, and I know how they can push us to the edge). And when she is calm again, hold her tight and let her know how much she is loved. You are a great mom, that is obvious.
And when no cause can be found, I lovingly refer to these times as "growth hormone surges"!

Jacob, Angie, Dakota, and Austin said...

ok these photos are beaytiful i truely love the one with annie in her diaper and the paint down her legs. They are growing so very quickly. Brooklyn tells me she want to see her friend Lucy. I tell her we have never met lucy but she tells me yes we do everyday on the computer mommy. kids say the darnedest things. I think that you have an amazing talent and i truely enjoy looking at what you have new. Maybe some day we will meet. We have watch your family before you ever got Lucy. Our Gotcha day is Feb. 12, 2007.

ourgoldenchild said...

i am so glad things are looking up.

and annie, with that gunk all over your face. you are a girl after my own heart. my goodness! i love trouble and you have it!

mimi lam said...

Such a beautifull evening light, and lovely pictures of the girls. Annie 's happy smiling face is adorable, and let's hope Lucy 's struggle phrase is fading, she seems very happy, enjoy herself.

Sandra & Steve said...

As always love the photos and your girls are adorable in those outfits. I've been behind in blogging so I missed the previous drama, I went back read a few posts I missed...belated happy b-day to your Annie, hard to believe she's 2 already! The American Girl pics are great, Lucy looks so happy. Sorry to hear she's going through so much but if it helps my happy upbeat girl will be 3 in Sept. and she's starting to meltdown too, not saying its just a stage or ignore it, just that you're not alone in feeling challenged in handling it. I particularly like your attitude of taking the negative comments and turning it into something positive - I snap a bit when I'm tired frustrated too. Reading this post was a nice wakeup call/reminder to me how hurtful words can impact others. So glad you shared, thanks.

Christi said...

How stinkin cute are they? I've had to do some "time in" myself, and really...it makes a world of difference.

Cearley said...

So so glad things are looking up for you and Lucy!! Its tough growing up and being a parent.. Your girls are beautiful!
Cearley

Stacie said...

welcome to the power of holding time. it is amazing how it can bring you together....just remember to always "see it through to the other side"! I had to do one for the first time in a year with z , yesterday. they never last as long as those first ones- those are so physically and emotionally draining- but you become so much more empathetic during those when you see the rage they have been holding in. congrats to you- you are a strong, wise mama!

jamielauren said...

Sounds like you knew exactly what your Lucy needed. It's hard but children need the MOST love when they're acting "un-lovable" <-- i hate that word, but you know what I mean.

LOVE thos photos. Annie's little face is so precious and perfect. Even with paint splatters.

Paul and Heather said...

Annie is getting more beautiful by the minute. Sorry you had a rough patch with Lucy and so glad it seems to be improving!
BTW...I don't think you complain...I think you are honest about the tials of being a Mommy. I LOVE that about your blog. And you were right...if someone doesn't like your blog...STOP READING IT!

Norah said...

Love the light. Makes me feel warm : )

MKH said...

really awesome post! love that lighting and so glad the past couple of days have been better :)

I Heart Faces said...

They are so cute!!

Wanted to make sure you saw this...
http://iheartfaces.blogspot.com/2010/04/join-us-for-photo-walk-across-america.html

Hope to see you:-)

-Amy

P.S. You are lucky you are just now getting nasty comments. Welcome to our world. LOL!

Jason and Erin said...

Oh, my, have we been through MANY MANY episodes like that with Loston! All I can tell you is, don't listen to all the tons of advice you'll get about "what to do" when they lose control like that. I listened to too many people, and did things I now regret. Trust God, trust your instincts, and know that this phase WILL INDEED PASS.

Heather said...

Just a thought...does she have an allergy to red dye? In my line of work (counseling) I have met many kids who have those rage type of reactions after eating something with red dye. I may be totally off-base...but not many people think of it so I thought I'd throw it out there as a consideration. I LOVE your "time-in"---you are an amazing Mommy to be able to do that. WOW!

Stepping On Legos said...

I had a similar experience with Dalton when he was 3 and it was extremely powerful for both of us. that time-in ("holding time" is what I called it back then although now that has negative connotations -I like time-in sooo much better) changed our lives and relationship. It was very healing for him, too. And it did change things for the positive. I swear love moves mountains.

Love that light. Love it!

Chinazhoumom said...

Hi there
I wanted to comment about the rage thing - I have gone thru this with my daughter about 4-5 times (I too post it on the blog - to remember..etc) but anyway - I did the same thing (I had read it somewhere..the time in thing) It is really hard - the screaming and kicking etc..but hold on I have...My daughter is 5 1/2 came home at 14 mths - and basically a very happy child (oh sure she melts down here or there..but overall happy). Big hugs fm one mom to another - and ps great pics!
Carol in FL
our blog is private - but if interested in stopping by-post a note here in comments and it will send me an email...best wishes for a peaceful week!

vietmomchronicles said...

So happy that you are having better days with Lucy. The first time Aven ever threw a tantrum, I called my sister and asked her if I should take her to the ER! I had no idea why she was wailing like she was near death, then I realize it was emotional and not physical. They aren't fun, but when my sweet baby returns, it is such a breath of fresh air.

As far as the nasty people and comments go, I guess it comes with the territory, but it sure feels horrible to think that someone would go to all that trouble to spread negativity especially when what you do has no effect on them. If they are really put out by something, there are constructive ways to share a viewpoint without sinking to the bottom of a gene pool. And quite frankly, I value and appreciate when people are secure enough in themselves to share the truth. It isn't all sunshine and fluffy puppies for anyone all the time. Focusing on the positive is a nice thing, but sometimes you have to let out the negative in order to get to the positive. It is a relief to be able to hear other moms share about the day to day parenting issues so when I go through them myself, I don't feel so alone.

Please keep telling your truth . . . people of depth and integrity will continue to read and be grateful.