Wow!

I knew that my last post would stir things up a bit, but to be perfectly honest, I had no idea it would make such a buzz. I am GLAD that it did. I wish that the commenting would have stayed to mature, productive discussion, and for the most part it did. But man there were some uncalled for things said. And just so all of you haters know, I am sleeping SO WELL now that I have gotten this emotion out and actually done something to make people more aware of the corruption. The acupuncture has definitely helped, but this has helped so much more! WARNING: I have a few more things to say about this, so if you can't handle it, stop reading now. This is not going to be a post about Lucy's adorable little life. Also, I have been forced to not allow anonymous comments any longer. I am not going to promote anyone hiding from the agency they used or the corrupt practices of certain agencies working in Vietnam, and I can't take another round of the immature personal attacks. You had your chance, now I feel the need to protect myself a bit.

I started this blog as many adoption bloggers did, to share our experience with our friends and family. One day, I will figure out how to get it all printed out and bound into something so that Lucy can have it. She will be able to look back on how we got to her and what her early childhood was like because I have chosen to document it. I want her to be proud of what she sees. I want her to look back and know that her mom stood up for what is right for the children of her birth country. I want her to know that I asked the hard questions, that people don't want to ask or see. I want her to know that yes, we did ask ourselves hard questions in order to choose an agency that eventually led us to her. I want her to know that I helped bring awareness to this awful situation. I want her to know that she is allowed to voice her opinion. Finally and most importantly, I want her to know that we love her so very much. So far, I have accomplished my goals of what this blog is supposed to stand for.

Last night as I was rocking her and she was drifting off to sleep, I just sat there wondering so much about her birth parents and how she ended up in the orphanage and then with us. There are so many questions that I would give anything to have answers to. I agree with Rachel in that there is no way to know for 100% positive that your adoption was perfectly ethical. No matter what agency you are with. I do agree with this. I think that it is important to do everything in your power to feel the most confident about your adoption that you possibly can, given the unknowns. To me, that means going with an agency that has a clean record. One that has not been constantly shrouded with doubt and questions about their ethics. One that has not been issued NOIDs. One whose families are not writing on their public blogs how they are most likely going to get a NOID. Choose an agency that is respected and honest. I obviously know how difficult it is to choose an agency. We did it, twice. But the fact of the matter is, the information is out there. You might have to take longer to find it, but it is available. I also want to state as I did in the comments, I was VERY tempted by one of the questionable agencies. I spoke with them multiple times when we were in the middle of our switch. I was told about babies that were available right this second, that we could travel within 4-6 weeks, etc. So the carrot was in front of my face, but I ultimately chose not to bite because I could not look past the issues at hand (which were nothing like they are today). I was close, really really close though.

I was criticized for my "tone" in the last post. I think a lot of you should go back and read the post again. I know it is my questions that got you so worked up. They were very pointed and went straight to the issues at hand. No beating around the bush. Were they harsh? Yes, they were. Did I mean everything I said? Yes, I did. If you can find a way to skirt around these questions and not honestly answer them, you are part of the problem. If you can talk about baby buying and birth parents not consenting to the adoption of their child from the country that you are adopting from without getting extremely emotional and worked up, I don't want to discuss it with you. In my opinion, you are not upset enough about this situation. You are still in the mindset of making excuses for your agency or you are still willing to overlook all of the red flags to get a baby home, despite the very obvious problems. I am tired of the excuses. TIRED!

I also want to address some of the arguments that are constantly brought up. So many people are saying that they agree with my stance on this, but they don't like all of the arguing and finger pointing. That we are supposed to be supportive of one another, not attack one another. I think that I have been more than supportive to the adoption community. I am all for the support of legal, ethical adoptions. I always have been. I will continue to support those of you working towards this. I am not going to support those who enable what is going on in Vietnam to keep happening. I am not going to be supportive of any agency who has done things wrong and illegally. I most definitely am not going to stand by and say things like, "Baby-buying is happening...I'm certain of that. How difficult is it for agencies to investigate whether an adoption is legit or not? They certainly don't want to hold up the process since there are so many of us...like yourself...who want their babies as quickly as they can. " How can you so nonchalantly say baby buying is happening and that we shouldn't put our agency out to investigate it? It makes me physically ill to just throw that out there in a manner of - it's happening, so deal with it. All that matters is that we get our baby asap. Did I want a child quickly? Sure, I wanted her home as soon as possible, but I would have NEVER compromised my integrity in order to get her here. I would have never let myself think that if baby buying is happening, she can get home a little quicker, and be okay with that. It is not an adoption agency's job to get babies home as quickly as possible. Does everyone understand that? It is their job to get the babies home who need homes and make sure that they do everything in their power to make sure it was done in an ethical and legal way. As I said in the comments, we received Lucy's referral 4 months after signing with our agency. It would have been even quicker had we not stepped out of line for 1.5 months. The reason was simple - our agency did not have paper ready families at that time since the program was so recently reopened. Their current wait time for an infant girl is 12-18 months. Things are not like they were when we were in line. It has changed. Wait times have increased. This should be with any agency, especially given the influx of people to the Vietnam program from other international programs. The entire Vietnam program is overwhelmed with the sudden enormous increase in PAPs.

I am also tired of the excuse that all people go into their adoption with good intentions. It is not their fault that they ended up in this situation. I will say I agree with the fact that most people have great intentions when adopting. That does not give anyone a hall pass when it comes to what is going on or enabling these agencies to continue doing what they are doing. Has it ever crossed your mind that possibly your AGENCY does not have the best of intentions? That they are in it for the money that they are making. And how do they make more money? Hand out LOTS of referrals, promise quick referrals to PAPs who are often too emotional to look past this temptation, and promise super fast travel. The more families who travel, the more money. So what happens when the immediate referrals have all been given out? Go and find some more babies. This is where the problem is. They are getting babies any way they can, and it is the child and their family who is so greatly suffering. If it is too good to be true, it most likely is.

If you want a great read, please go to Nicki's post on this issue. She is brilliant and level headed about this. It is really an awesome post that everyone adopting should read. There are some great questions there. Things we should all think about.

I think that I have said everything now that I have been feeling as this has unfolded. I prefer to keep the discussions productive. Please don't list statistics if you don't know that they are fact. I am not promoting spreading rumors or false information. Please don't attack me on a personal level. This is not about name calling or claiming that I am better than anyone else. My interest is the children and having the actual real orphans placed in loving homes in an ethical and legal manner. Nothing more, nothing less.