Vietnam Adoption Ethics

I have not weighed in on the recent happenings in the Vietnam adoption world, but I am going to address it now because this is SO important. This is so sad to me and I have a hard time putting such intense emotions into words, but I am going to try. If you are adopting or are considering adopting from Vietnam and have not fully educated yourself on exactly what is going on, you should not be adopting. It is simply unacceptable to turn the other way and pretend that this corruption and illegal behavior is not going to effect you. It is unacceptable to put your personal agenda before the needs of a child or a birth parent. It is unacceptable to not education yourself on this and do something to bring awareness to the situation. This is scary stuff and needs to be talked about. Many of my readers are family and friends who would not know what is going on, so I am going to give a brief update for them.

There have recently been many families stuck in Vietnam. They have their child with them, but they are not allowed to come home to the US with the child. The Vietnamese government has allowed them to have their Giving and Receiving ceremony, which means that in the Vietnamese government's eyes, the child is legally theirs. Sounds great, right? Well, the US govt. also has to approve your case, believe that the child is a true orphan, and issue the child a US visa, or else the child is not allowed in the country. When you are in VN, you used to have 2 US embassy appointments. The first appointment is to file a piece of paperwork called the I-600. This allows the US govt. to look at all of the child's paperwork and documentation of how they became an orphan and LEGALLY declare them an actual orphan. They have just implemented changes where this appointment is now taken care of stateside, which is great because it is going to stop families from getting to VN, spending time with their child, bonding with the child, and then seeing these problems unfold and not being allowed to return home with their child. The questionable cases will be exposed before travel clearance is given. Once the child is declared an actual orphan by the US govt., then you apply for their visa. Once you receive the visa, you are free to leave with your child.

So, the families are stuck in VN because the US government found things in the child's paperwork that seemed suspicious or questionable. It means that the children could possibly have been BOUGHT from birth parents and that their abandonment paperwork is not accurate. These families have been issued a Notice of Intent to Deny (NOID) and they will not, at this time at least, be getting a US visa for their child. They will either be coming home without the child that they have spent many weeks with or they will be moving to VN to stay with the child. There is a possiblity that this could be overturned eventually and the child will be able to come to the US. There is a possiblity that there was an innocent mistake made in the child's paperwork and it will be fixed. But there is also a HUGE possiblity that the child was obtained in a manner that is in no way, shape, or form legal by the US standards of adoption. Please go to Pho for Four and read Laurie's post about this and also go to Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity to read more about this and what is going on in VN right now. There is some great information on these sites about adoption ethics.

The US embassy issued a statement regarding all of this on there website. To read it click here. Here is the most alarming part of the statement:
"We strongly endorse international adoption as an important option for Vietnamese children who do not have permanent families. We are deeply concerned, however, by confirmed cases of child selling, and by evidence that children are being released for adoption without the consent of the birth parents."

Do you understand this people? There are confirmed cases of children being SOLD and confirmed cases of the birth parents NOT consenting to their child being adopted. Not only is the child going to another family, but they are going half way across the world never to be seen or heard from again. Can you imagine being an extemely poor parent who is trying your hardest to take care of your child and being preyed upon because you have a baby that a wealthy (by VN standards even the poorest of people adopting from their country are still extemely wealthy) foreigner wants and will do almost anything to get? I can hardly even stomach this. It is going to be hard enough to explain Lucy's past to her with the limited amount of information that we have. I can't imagine having to also question whether or not her adoption was legit and trying to explain that.

Here are the questions I pose to those of you who are ignoring this warning and continuing to work with agencies that have been issued NOIDs and are constantly under investigation.

1. Are you so incredibly selfish and only care about YOURSELF getting a child so much that you are willing to take the chance of your child being wrongfully taken from his or her birth parents? Is it okay with you that there could be a mother somewhere in Vietnam constantly mourning the loss of her child in a way that she did not actually consent to? Please remember that the purpose of adoption is to find a loving home for a child who ACTUALLY needs a home. Not to find any child to fulfill someone's dream to become a parent.

2. Do you plan on being honest with your child about his or her past or are you just going to act like nothing strange happened during the child's adoption since that will be easier on YOU? These children have already been through so much. They deserve the truth. They deserve to know their past and how they ended up where they did. It is our job as APs to provide this to them and help them as best as we can to process the information. I personally will never be able to fully understand Lucy's emotions regarding her adoption. I have never been through it. It is our job to be there for her and listen to her and provide a support network for her. It is not going to be easy, but I can promise you one thing, I will always be honest with her about it.

3. Is your quest to become a parent so great that you are willing to put every person who is in the adoption process from Vietnam at risk of not being able to adopt their child, despite the fact that they have gone about their adoption in a legal and ethical way?

4. Do you think that you somehow deserve your child more than someone else, so it is okay for you to use a corrupt agency and fly through the process at break neck speed?

5. When you get the offensive question (that I can promise you will get, we have been asked at least 3 times already) of how much did your baby cost, are you going to be able to honestly tell someone that your baby cost nothing and it was the process of bringing her home that actually cost the money?

Please feel free to answer these questions for me. I would love to hear what you have to say. If you can somehow convince yourself that you are doing nothing wrong working with one of these questionable agencies then you have some serious soul searching to do. PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!

So, my plea is this. Stop using these agencies. Stop endorsing child trafficking. Stop making mothers who want to care for their children give them up. I have full faith in the agency that we used for Lucy's adoption (VORF). I know that they are ethical. I know that their in country staff is not out looking for babies to buy. Were they a perfect agency to work with? No. I don't think that there is such a thing as a perfect agency. There were times that I felt there was a breakdown in communication. There were times that I was so frustrated with them that I couldn't see straight. But through all of my frustrations, I never questioned the ethics or legality of our adoption. And why do I feel so confident about our adoption? When we were at our 1st Embassy appointment in HCMC, the lady interviewing us told Justin and I that VORF was a wonderful agency. That their client's paperwork was always flawless and perfectly translated. That their in-country staff (who was at the appointment with us) was always professional and friendly to work with. And finally she said that they were actually worth the money that we were paying them to facilitate our adoption. We felt pretty darn good after hearing those words come from the Embassy workers mouth. Can you say that about your adoption? I hope so.