A Fresh New Week

Okay, so I am totally glad that last week is over. It was a rough one for me. I have a good attitude to start this week. I hope that it stays. The ME weekend was a huge success. I did everything that I said I wanted to do. I feel quite renewed.

This Sunday at church the sermon was about forgiving people for mistakes that they make and moving on. It was a great sermon for me to hear. I felt like most of it was directed straight at me. I am so glad that I was there. I swear, God really does know what he is doing. That is why I am coming to peace with myself and with Justin of how things are playing out for us and the adoption. I am completely certain that there is a plan for us. I might not completely understand the plan at the moment, but at least I know there is one. It feels good to know that.

On a side note, I watched the movie Super Size Me this weekend. I am totally disturbed. I know this movie has been out for a long time, I just now got around to seeing it. Could it be any more disgusting? I think not. Why would that idiot eat McDonald's 3 times a day for 30 days? That is just ignorant. SICK!

ME Weekend

I am having a ME weekend this weekend. I am going to do only things that make me happy or smile. I will be having dinner and cocktails with friends tonight. I will try and sleep in tomorrow morning - but know that I won't be able to. I want to lay by the pool for a while and get some color on this pasty white skin of mine. I am going to get a pedicure and manicure tomorrow afternoon and do some shopping. Then I am going to have some more cocktails with friends tomorrow night. On Sunday, I will go to church and then my neighbors have some "surprise" planned for the afternoon. If I feel like it, I will do nothing but watch movies in bed all weekend. It is up to ME!

Justin is out of town and I am actually excited about this weekend. I need some time to unwind and settle down a bit. It has been a rough week. The good news is, I am hoping that the worst has passed. It can only go up from here, right? Right! Life is getting better. I just know it.

I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend and take some time for yourself as well. We all need it. For those of you waiting for your referrals, travel approvals, or I171-H's to arrive, I pray that next week is your week. For those of you who got these things this week, congratulations to you!

Life is Very Hard

Today has been one of the most difficult days of my life thus far. The person in line behind us (before we had to put our adoption on hold) got her referral today. I am genuinely happy for her and her family. She is an absolutely wonderful lady and if I would want anyone to get a referral besides us, it would be her. It is still so hard to process.

I KNOW that Lucy is still out there and waiting for us. This is just so hard. I just really did not see this little road block in our future. I wish it was not happening. We are getting help to deal with how this is effecting us. I know that it is helping, but for me, nothing can be fixed fast enough. I just don't understand why this is happening. I really need God to help me with this one.

Thanks for the Support

I just wanted to say thank you so very much for all of the wonderful comments, suggestions, advice, and prayers that we have gotten from some of you who follow this blog. It means more to me than I will ever be able to express, so thank you again. It never ceases to amaze me how wonderful of friends I have made online throughout this adoption. I appreciate those of you who follow this blog and our progress throughout this process. I have learned so much from so many of you. It has been so nice to know that others have been through similar situations and survived. For a while there, I felt very alone. Now I know that we are not the only ones who have experienced something like this. Thanks to those of you who have shared some of your experiences with me. They have been very healing for me.

I don't have much to report other than that I still feel as though we are moving in the right direction. I wish we were moving more quickly, but this is going to take some time. We had a nice weekend. Went to a concert, which was a nice way to give our brains a break from this for a bit and just enjoy one another again. Other than that, I got a bunch done around our house that has been needing to get done for a couple of weeks now.

For those of you who are with VORF and were right by us in the referral line, I pray that your referrals come this week. I know how difficult the wait is and I hope it is over for some of you very soon.

I am being tested

I have started to write this post at least 6 times and then stopped. Unfortunately, the news is not good, that is why this is so hard. Our adoption is on a temporary pause (please pray or whatever it is that you do that this is a VERY short pause). My husband decided to speak up that he is having some doubts and questions in his mind about becoming a parent - not about adopting, but his ability to be a great parent. I think that every first time parent goes through these fears and questions their ability to raise a little life. It is totally normal. It is not normal to wait until the point that we have gotten to discuss them with me for the first time.

To say the least, this has been hard for me. The pain is very real. I have talked to some other adoptive parents who have had very similar situations and they have made me feel a million times better. I am doing my best to keep the frame of mind that Lucy is out there, God just needed us to get her a little later in the year.

That is really all I want to say about it at this point other than we are both working as hard as we possibly can to get past this as soon as possible. I know in my heart that we will get through this and Lucy will still come home to us soon. Any prayers, thoughts, or advice are more than welcome at this point. We can use all of the help we can get.

The Nursery is Complete and the Closet is still Growing

Miss Lucy's rocker got here yesterday. That was the final thing that we were waiting on and her room is officially done!! It is beautiful and I love it so much. Here are a few pictures.





In addition to her nursery being done, her closet continued to grow yesterday. This is seriously getting out of hand. Her closet is now officially a zillion times cooler than mine. Lucy's daddy got home yesterday from his long trip with a lot of ADORABLE presents for her. Keep in mind, he picked all of these out himself which makes this even cuter to me!! Justin is seriously very fashionable and is into this baby shopping as much as me. I LOVE that!!

Her winged onesie. So cute! She is going to be one rockin' baby!!


Yes, this is a sweater that has a heart on the sleeve with Daddy in the heart. How cute is that - Justin picked this out!! She is already has him whipped and he doesn't even know just how precious she is yet!


More jeans and a princess rhinestone onesie!


This is the softest sleeper that she has. I wish I could fit in it because it is so awesome.


A hat that says "Daddy Forever" and another precious baby tee!


In addition to being a rockin' baby, occasionally Lucy will be in her very girly smocked dresses and hair bows. Check these finds out. This is the flag dress I told you that I want her to wear off of the airplane when we get home and the matching diaper cover. I think it will be too big though. She is wearing it off that plane anyway!!


Flag dress and diaper cover


Precious little dress with bloomers


Her hair bow collection thus far


It is personalized


Now, we are tired of waiting. We have a nursery fit for a queen and a closet fit for a princess! We are just missing the baby. Unfortunately, still no news!

SO EXCITED!!!!!

First and foremost, congratulations to Nicki and her family on the referral of her BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT baby girl. Nicki and I are on almost exactly the same path and it was so exciting to me when she got her referral that I could barely stand it. I cried and cried because I was so happy for her. She had waited LONG ENOUGH! I am really really hoping that we get ours very soon so that we can hopefully travel together. I would have posted my congratulations already, but I was having some computer issues this weekend.

What else does it mean now that Nicki got her referral??? WE ARE #1 IN LINE!! YIPPPPEEEEE!!! So, I have officially started thinking of Lucy from the first moment that I wake up until I finally fall asleep at night. I have always thought of her a lot, but now I am totally consumed by the thought of our referral. Our agency director called me at work on Friday. My heart literally felt like it was going to stop when he said who it was because he NEVER calls me - I always do the calling. I just knew that it was "The Call" since I knew Nicki had gotten hers. Well, he was just calling to tell me that we were first in line for our referral now. That is great news and all, but I almost passed out because I thought he was going to tell me he had Lucy's picture. Oh well, it is still great to be #1. Justin has been out of town FOREVER and gets home this morning. Every time he calls and I say hello, he chants into the phone, "We're #1!! We're #1!" It is really cute how excited he has gotten.

I have been sleeping AWFUL. I really started sleeping poorly before the adoption process started. I just seem to have issues with the sleep. Well, now it is really really bad. I just tell myself that God is getting me ready for lots of sleepless nights when we finally get Lucy.

One last thing, I have been EXTRA emotional lately. Anything will make me cry. It is totally ridiculous. At church yesterday, a lady sung "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands." I totally broke down when she said He's got the tiny little babies, in His hands. How fitting of a song for me when all I do is worry about Lucy and that she is getting the care that she needs and deserves. I know that God is taking care of our Miss Lucy. I know that He was letting me know that yesterday and I am thankful that He did.

This is going to be a GREAT week. I feel good things!!

Ready for the Weekend

I am so happy that today is Friday!! YEAH!!! I am going to see some girlfriends tonight that I used to see almost everyday when we lived in Austin. Now that we all have moved around, it is so hard for us to get together and I can't wait to see them. They both have baby daughters - one is only a month old and one is 8 months. I wish soooooooo badly that I had my Miss Lucy to take with me. It is going to be so much fun when we all have our girls!! Other than that, I don't have any big plans for the weekend, which is fine by me. I need to rest and get caught up on some things around the house.

I was asked what Lucy's middle name is going to be. It is most likely going to be Lucy Elise ______. We are going to probably give her 2 middle names so that she can keep one of her Vietnamese names. That is the plan for the moment. If we could just get that darn referral, we could decide for sure!

Justin has been travelling for the last week and a half. I cannot wait for him to get home!! I really miss him. He got Lucy a bunch of presents in LA. I cannot wait to see them. They sound so cute. I hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend, and I hope that next week brings lots and lots of referrals for everyone who has been so patiently (or not so patiently) waiting.

Time to Rest

Does anyone else feel like today is Monday?? I have been confused about what day it is all day today. The good news is, it is already Wednesday, which means the weekend is right around the corner. YIPPPPEEEE! I had a bit of a wild weekend since it was a holiday weekend and all. I am feeling it today and very tired. I wish that I was snuggled up in my bed with my dogs and a movie. How great does that sound?!?!?

I talked to our agency today. It sounds like we will be getting our referral in late July if everything goes according to plan. I was really hoping for early July, but hey, any time in July will work. Each day that passes in this month will be a hard one knowing that she could come at any time. I am just trying to keep busy so that I don't focus on the time. I also asked if I could be given an estimate as to Lucy's age since I have such a problem with shopping and buying her stuff. I was told that most of the referrals that have been going out have been for young infants and that most likely she was born in April or May. That would make her itty bitty. I was told if I am going to be buying, to buy small!! Justin and I aren't real particular about the age that we requested. We do think that it would be fun to get a youngen since this is our first child. That way we can experience most of her firsts. Again, I was told that there are no guarantees about an age at this point. I think that by now I am well aware of the "no guarantees" policy! What this means if she will be around 6 months when we travel, everything that we have bought will be way too big. I guess I will just have to shop some more!!

Here is a little something to make us all smile today. This is Miss Lucy's cousin, John. Is he a pumpkin or what? He and his mom call and ask about her a lot!! He is ready for someone to play with!

HAPPY 4th of JULY!!

I hope that everyone has a wonderful Fourth of July today!! I am leaving in a bit to head to a lake that is about 20 minutes outside of Dallas with some of my neighbors. We are going to have a big cookout and be out on the boats all day. I am very excited about that. Next year I will have Lucy in a fabulous patriotic outfit/swimsuit for this holiday!! Speaking of fabulous clothes, yesterday I ordered Miss Lucy a white dress with American Flags smocked around the collar. I am praying that it is going to fit her so that when we come off of the airplane from getting home she can wear it since she will then be an American Girl!! I also got a diaper cover with a flag right on the butt. I will post some pictures when they come in. SO CUTE!!

No adoption news. Didn't expect any since it was a holiday weekend. Hope to hear something soon. Let's all drink a margarita or 5 today in celebration of July and referrals coming soon!!

Adoption Dream

Last night I had my first adoption dream where I actually saw what Lucy looked like in the dream. The dream was of us getting our referral - I don't know why I would dream about this, I NEVER think about us getting a referral! HA!! Anyway, I mainly remember the part of us looking at her picture. She was about 6 months old and had short hair. She had chubby cheeks. The thing that stood out the most was that they had tried to put her short hair into a "sprout" ponytail on top of her head. It was so cute. There was just this tiny rubberband with hardly any hair in it and the hair was sticking straight up. SO CUTE!! I was crying in the dream. I woke up right after seeing the picture. I wish that I would have been able to see more. Nicki, don't worry, in the dream I kept asking about your referral, and you got a 3 month old!!! I am dead serious about this too.

I am praying that this dream is a sign that Miss Lucy is coming to us soon! I hope so. I try and imagine all of the time what our referral picture is going to look like and how we will respond to finally seeing what Lucy looks like. I have stopped trying because who knows how we will react. I know we will be overjoyed, but will I cry, laugh, scream, etc. I hope that Lucy has that crazy hair that stands straight up. I think that is so cute!!

It is finally July, Lucy!! Go ahead and tell our agency you are ready to meet your mom and dad!