01.24.10

I am so unbelievably proud of Annie today because she went to the church nursery, cried for a very short period, and then did really well. This is the first time ever that we haven't been buzzed on our pager to come and get her. I obviously tell the staff that if she is hysterical for 15 minutes, to please page me. And they always do. But not today!!! AND, she didn't cry when we came to get her. She smiled and then she waved goodbye to the sweet staff that loves on her. When I asked her how she did, they told me that they had to stroll her around a bit (which is what they do with any babies that are upset) and they stopped in the little baby room for a bit and she was so pleased that she got to "help" with the babies that she was a happy girl after that. Annie LOVES babies, both real and pretend, so I am not at all surprised by this. Also, she is such a social child, that I knew if she would ever give it a chance, she would love church. I think she did better this week because Lucy gave her a pep talk the entire car ride to church that went, "Annie, church is soooo much fun. Don't worry, Mommy and Daddy will always come back to get us." Killing me with sweetness.

Church was awesome again this week. I went back to the contemporary service, and Justin agreed to come with me. We both really miss the organ and choir when we aren't at the traditional service, but the sermon is absolutely worth it to me. This was Justin's first time there, and he really liked the pastor and the sermon. The question in the sermon this week was "How do I know what God's will is for my life?" The message was powerful and what I really, really walked away with was that I have got to turn to God's word. I have really never spent the time studying the Bible that I should. I do a mom's group that I call my Bible study, but this is the first semester that we are actually studying a book of the Bible. We usually choose a book on a Christian topic, like prayer or marriage. I have always had an excuse as to why I didn't spend time with my Bible, but today I decided no more excuses. I went to Barnes & Noble during nap and decided on a One Year Study Bible. Until I get caught up for this year, I am going to read two or three days worth of reading. I did two while I was at B&N and there was no chance of distraction by little people. I actually feel really excited about doing this and know that God will be revealed to me in ways I have never experienced. Yay!!

The girls took great naps and we have just been lazy around the house this afternoon, watching football and putting on "shows." Lucy loves to give us each a job, and then she is the announcer, and we all do a little performance. It is very funny and she was in rare form this afternoon/evening. Lots of fun when they are in such awesome moods.

The past three days I have been overwhelmed with feelings about the girls' birth mothers. I never know why exactly these days come, but they do and it has been a constant the past few days. I think because both girls have been so much fun the past few days, that I find myself watching them and consumed by feelings of amazement that I am their mom and that somewhere in Vietnam, they have another mom. Today as Annie stopped everything she was doing to watch the National Anthem performance, I just sat on the couch and watched her in awe. She stood there and pretended like her Backyardigan toy was a microphone and just "sang" along with all of her little heart. Then she giggled about it and carried on with her business. And last night as Lucy was dancing naked in the bathroom after bath giggling her precious little laugh, I did the same thing. I just sat with my back against the wall and watched her love life to the fullest. And then I am sad that their birth mothers will never have these memories that I get to have with these girls because my goodness, they are both so unbelievably amazing and I hate for anyone to miss it, but her especially. But I also feel so blessed, thankful, and happy that we get to be their parents. That is the thing about adoption that is hard for me, there is always a bit of sadness knowing that the girls have lost so much to get to be with us and that they have another momma somewhere that is missing seeing just how amazing the child that she created is. I just wish we knew more about their birth mothers. That part is so hard for me and I always wonder if it will be hard for them, too. I hugged them both extra tight tonight. I just love them so much that it makes my heart feel like it is going to burst wide open. They are both so special.

Wow. This feels like a long post. I absolutely adore the images from today. The light in our bedroom at 4:30 this afternoon with the white sheets on the bed being a natural reflector was simply perfect. My suddenly WAY too big girl, Lucy, painted her own nails. She was beaming with pride when she was done and it was perfect because Annie was still napping at that point and not in her way. Then Annie woke up and was so sweet reading books on the bed. I love day to day photos that are actually beautiful, and that is how these are to me today.

I hope you all have a wonderful week and that the spirit of the Lord fills your heart with happiness and love.