Weekly Goal #9 and Thoughts on Vietnam

My personal and task goal of the week are the same. I recently joined a new group that I am really excited and nervous about at the same time. It is called The Ladies of the Round Table, and it is a discussion blog with 15 mom authors. Some of my very favorite blog friends are also authors and I think it is going to be so fascinating and interesting to hear the discussions that come from it. There will be a monthly topic, which for March is about the role of being a daughter. So, my goal is to write about the topic. As an author, you don't have to contribute every month, but I would like to contribute when I can. I am a little shy about being among some people that I consider amazing writers and mothers, but I think I am going to learn a lot about myself and others as I explore the topics. Be sure and check out the blog when you get a chance.

I haven't written about anything serious on this blog since the big ethics piece I wrote many months ago. It is not because I don't have anything to say or even because I am scared of what others are going to say, but because I often have a hard time taking the time to sit down and actually organize my thoughts into a way that is worth anyone's time to read. I think that there are some great resources out there who do a much better job of voicing these concerns than I will ever be able to do. I feel the need to at least let everyone know that I do care about what is going on in Vietnam right now.

The situation in Vietnam adoptions right now is a total mess. Things are getting worse. As we get closer and closer to the very real possibility of another shut down of the program, people are getting more scared, defensive, irrational, and divided. I hate to see this. I despise the negativity and hatefulness that I see coming out between people who have already adopted and those still trying to adopt from Vietnam or between people using different agencies or for any other reason people can come up with to be divided.

I hope that we can all agree that the very most important thing in all of this mess is the children of Vietnam. There are thousands of orphans in Vietnam who truly need to find a home. They had parents that had to give them up, for whatever reason, and these kids need the adoption program between the US and Vietnam to stay open. But the other thing that we cannot overlook is that there are some cases of children in orphanages in Vietnam who are there for all of the wrong reasons. They are there because they were bought or because their parents were tricked into giving them up. We have to ALL stand together and admit and acknowledge that this is wrong. We have to unite as an adoptive community and agree that no one wants a child to be stripped of their birth parents when it is unnecessary and unwanted by the family. We have to fight for the children, because they can't speak out themselves.

I am not trying to create a further rift in the adoption community. This is not a loud or harsh post about what I think people should or shouldn't do or about me saying I am right and you are wrong.  I have taken that approach before, and looking back, I don't think it is the right approach.  Yelling at one another does not accomplish a whole lot.  It makes the division that we should be working to close grow larger.  I don't want people saying that there is a group of APs who think that they know it all and are casting judgment on those still in the process of adopting, because I, for one, do not know it all. In fact, at this point, I am not sure what to believe. Just when you think you have it figured out, you hear something new and it all goes out the window. This is a very confusing process and getting all of the information is possible, but not always easy. 

What I do want to say and the reason that I am writing this at all is to say that I pray that the US and Vietnam can come to an agreement where adoptions from Vietnam can improve to be a more ethical and transparent program. I hope that the needs and rights of the children are always put first and we can all agree that the kids are the most important factor in this gigantic mess. I pray that the orphans who are, and always have been, in need of a family find one soon. I hope that those of you stuck in the middle of the new changes get your children home soon. I am sorry that your kids are having to stay in the orphanages longer than most while this gets worked out. I hope that the kinks in the new process get worked out and the whole process can be a smoother and more effective one that does a better job of protecting the kids. I want you to know that I really do hope that the entire program of Vietnam adoptions can make a turn for the better and the people/agencies who are ruining this for everyone are stopped.

Adopting is hard and stressful. All of these problems make it much more difficult. I know that we all have good intentions. Unfortunately, good intentions are not always enough.  I wish it were that easy.  I understand that it seems easier for me since I already have a beautiful daughter at home, but really it is still hard, just in a different way. I think that all of this corruption will make it even more difficult for Lucy when she gets older and starts asking the hard questions.  It makes it hard for me as her mother.

I also want to point out that I really appreciate and stand by the people who really put it out there. The adoption community is not always a nice place to be, especially when you take a strong stand. Thank you to Voices for Vietnam Adoption Integrity and Ethica for all of the work you do for improving adoptions and making APs and PAPs more aware of what is going on. Your work is so valuable, and most of us really appreciate all you do. I certainly do.